You think you are smart. I think you are art. And we both agree to disagree.

It's a sunny day and my window binds are blocking the view. I don't feel too sunny today. It's a day of gloom and dread. It's the day I would ask you to follow me down to the valley below. And watch the moonlight bleed out of your soul. Porcupine Tree is whispering soothing tunes into me. So rest your head upon me. I have strength to carry you. Follow me down to the valley below. You know. I miss the time when we would hold each others hand while we slipped and slid down over the rocks and to the lake. Still clear water. We would peer over to catch our reflections. Make funny faces that were distorted by the ripples of touch. Moonlight is bleeding, from out of your soul. And I can no longer look. I thought I had the strength to carry you. But I don't.

I am weak. I am muddled. I am broken. I am blinded. Blinded by you. I am humbled. My heart has been fumbled with. I am hurt and distressed. Disturbed and ousted. I am lost. I now walk down to the valley below and there is no one to follow me. I sit there by the lake and watch the moonlight bleed into my soul. When I peer over the reflection, I see no faces. Just vacant stillness that feels like a stranger's touch. The words are whispered. The thoughts are desirous. The pain numbed. And the heart broken.

We sit around the grand piano. You select the notes and I try to play them. It sounds horrible but you don't say so. You lift me gently off the center of the bench and place me on the corner. You ask me to look carefully as your fingers work their magic. But I am looking carefully at your face instead. Oh how beautifully it hides the lies. The pain. The anger. I wish I was half as strong as you. And when you caught me looking you plant a kiss on my forehead. Never look for the truth in your mother's eyes. Never trust the sound of rain upon a river rushing through your ears. 

The sun rays are fierce. They are forcing themselves through the edges of the blinds and onto me. My hands, my face, my thoughts. Little specks of red marks are glistening on the back of my hands. Tiny scratches that are passionately crimson. I have no idea how they got here, on my skin. How they became a part of me without my realization. I am guessing paper cuts. Though it looks like I have a huffy cat for a pet.

All of my plans, compromised. All of my dreams, sacrificed. Let's get into our old Chevy nova and drive away and into. Away from these compromised plans, these sacrificed dreams. Into the rainbows of candy lit happiness and snow tipped pine trees. Let's blast melancholic music and hum to it. Let's not stop at any traffic signals. Let's just keep driving till there is no where left to go. We want to arrive somewhere but not here. Oh never. Did you see the red mist block your path? Did the scissors cut a way to your heart? Did you feel the envy for the sons of mothers tearing you apart?

That crunching noise when a jaw gets broken. When the knuckles meet teeth. Those crackling seconds right before everything is relocated. Displaced. Dislodged. Blood gushing through the gums and on the tongue, making its way out of the mouth even before the head hits the ground. When is the will broken? How long can the ego hold tight? It's always body against mind. Mind against body. Nothing like this. Felt in his kiss. Cannot resist. Fell for his charm. Lost in his arms. I keep a photograph. Give me a glimpse. Let me come in. Here it begins. Here is the sin. Something to lie about.

The time is flying by and there is no solace. It feels like I have come a long way while I have only just walked in circles. Something broke inside my heart. And I let the pieces lie where they fell. I walk on tip toe around your broken promises. I don't touch the wounds you have left behind. I get a feeling that I am hiding too well. Okay, so what's next? Gave him the hours. Gave him the power. Cannot erase. Gave him the truth. Gave in the proof. I gave him everything.